Untouchable: A chillingly dark psychological thriller Page 18

  ‘Firstly, because they can’t cope with the amount of people out there. They don’t have the manpower or funding. And I know what you’re thinking, after reading what Jamie wrote, and you’d be right. Some of the people involved are the police. They come from all walks of life.’

  I blinked back the tears blurring my vision.

  ‘The money I made when I was doing private military work means nothing. It’s just a means that allows me to do this. And if I can get one sick bastard off the streets, then it helps to fill the void for a while. I can’t sit there and just do nothing when I know it’s going on all over the place.’

  I shook my head. ‘I want to get them, Mitchell.’

  ‘You know this is going to get ugly and probably dangerous. Getting the truth to come out won’t be easy. There will be cover-ups, enquiries will be quashed. These people are powerful. The elite. They have links to Westminster. To influential families. They will protect the Establishment—the System—at all costs. And they will stop at nothing to keep the truth from coming out.’

  ‘I don’t care. Like I said before, I don’t have much to live for anymore. You of all people will understand that.’

  He looked at me, studying the determination on my face.

  ‘Will you help me? You obviously have some experience.’

  ‘Yes, but not with the people involved here. And that’s what I told Jamie. I warned him, too. I told him my contacts weren’t high up enough to deal with the kind of person he was trying to expose, but he was determined to get the truth out there.’

  ‘But will you?’ I gripped his arm, holding on tight.

  He paused, his biceps stiffening beneath my touch. ‘All those kids…they were abused and tortured and treated as if their lives were nothing—they were like some disposable commodity—and they were just fucking kids! Just like Alex. I don’t understand how we can breed the kind of people who do that.’ He paused for a moment, grinding his teeth. ‘So of course I’m going to help you. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.’

  ‘Thank you.’ I released my grip and wiped my eyes. ‘Was Jamie ever going to tell me what he was doing?’

  ‘He was trying to work out how to tell you. It’s not just something you can bring up casually at the dinner table, is it? He’d kept this secret for a long time. Become a different person. He was agonising about what this would do to you.’

  Jamie had been going through all this alone, and he was worried about me? I stroked the ring on my left hand, a weight of unbearable misery crushing me.

  ‘At first, he was trying to get the other lads who were with him at Crossfield to come forward, too. With cases of historic child abuse, you’re talking about years that have gone by, which means there’s no evidence. The only way to even get a hope of some heads rolling is with corroboration from other people. It wasn’t too hard for Jamie to find out where these people were. He’s an IT expert, after all.’

  ‘Was,’ I whispered, the word stinging my tongue like acid.

  ‘Sorry.’

  I gave him a brief flick of my head. ‘How did they do it? How could they have hung him? I mean, he was in the military. He had training. He could look after himself.’

  Mitchell pursed his lips. ‘It doesn’t mean he was infallible or didn’t make a mistake. They could’ve surprised him, overpowered him, threatened him with a gun, threatened him with you.’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘They could’ve threatened to kill you. Or worse. Cripple, maim, mutilate you.’

  A wave of dizziness hit me, as though I was falling. ‘Oh God.’ One hand clutched my stomach. ‘So…he could’ve sacrificed his life to save me?’

  Mitchell didn’t answer. He just looked at me, but the answer was written in his eyes.

  It took me a while to get my head round that. We sat in silence while I tried not to cry.

  Eventually, I said, ‘Remember I showed you the list Jamie had written? I went to see the people on it. I found Billy’s brother, but apparently Billy committed suicide a year ago. Sean is now suffering from schizophrenia and is in and out of hospital, but I think, under his strange ramblings, he managed to tell me that he wasn’t going to talk. Trevor moved to America somewhere, apparently, and like I said before, Dave was killed the day after Jamie in a hit-and-run accident.’ I wiped away a tangle of hair that the wind blew in my face. ‘There was another address for someone called Moses. I spoke to his mum, who said he disappeared in 1984. I saw a photo of him. He was biracial, beautiful. He was the second unknown boy who was at the party, wasn’t he?’

  ‘Yeah. The one who disappeared with all the men into the dungeon but was never seen by Jamie again. They obviously killed him, like the other boy who was strangled by Eamonn Colby.’

  I rubbed at the tension in my forehead, trying to knead away tiny knots. ‘So, there’s no one who can or will corroborate anything?’

  ‘Actually, in the end…Jamie had found a way to expose them that wouldn’t point back to him. He phoned me the day before he died and said he’d got hold of something explosive. Something that wouldn’t need corroboration from other witnesses. He didn’t want to tell me what it was over the phone, but I’m guessing it was a film or photos. I was going away with Lee to climb Aconcagua the next day, so I arranged to call Jamie when I got back so we could meet and try to come up with a plan about who he could trust to pass it on to. But I never got that far. I was away for three and a half weeks, and when I got back, I found out he’d been killed.’ He drew in a deep breath. ‘Lee sends his condolences, by the way.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I nodded slowly, trying to get my head around everything. ‘Where did Jamie get this “explosive” stuff?’

  ‘From Dave. After every party at Crompton Place, Dave always used to steal something from the house. Usually something small that he could hide in his clothes. Jamie didn’t tell me what Dave gave him, just that it was something no one could deny once they’d seen it. Dave had kept it all these years. It was his insurance.’

  I thought about Dave’s poor wife, Anita, who probably was blissfully unaware of what had happened in Dave’s childhood, as I’d been about Jamie’s. ‘And then he was murdered, too.’

  ‘Looks like it.’

  ‘But how did they know what Jamie had found or what he was doing? How did they know he was going to try to expose these people?’

  ‘Maybe certain Internet searches were being monitored, or Jamie ended up speaking to the wrong person, who then tipped off someone high up. Someone with authority. Someone who could arrange the death of a whistle-blower. Or some kind of other intelligence led back to Jamie and they were tracking his movements. His phones and house are more than likely bugged, so you need to be really careful about what you say at home now.’

  I thought back to what I’d said on the landline at home since Jamie had died. The conversations I’d had with Ava and Tony in the house. Were they listening to me, trying to find out what I knew? And had I said anything incriminating that revealed I suspected something?

  No, I didn’t think so. Those conversations were just grief talking. A heartbroken spouse trying to find answers to the unanswerable. And I’d called Mitchell from outside on the pay-as-you-go phone.

  ‘But Jamie was an IT expert. Surely he’d know how to look for things on the Internet without getting caught, especially with something as potentially dangerous as this.’

  ‘There’s software you can use to make yourself anonymous online. I use it myself, and I’m sure Jamie would’ve probably been using it, too, so he didn’t set off any flags. It’s very likely he set up his laptop to wipe itself clean if anyone unauthorised started looking at it. But these people are professionals. They have thousands of ways and resources to get information.’

  ‘But who are “these people”? Who do you think killed him?’

  ‘People who can’t risk any of this getting out. People who protect the highest echelons of the Establishment and matters of national security. Special branch? MI5? Or a deniable
operator who works for the security services.’

  I thought about my conversation with Sean. He’d mentioned the other lot. Had he been talking about the national security services?

  ‘They broke into our house. They were looking for something. I thought it must’ve been the diary, and maybe that was part of it. Maybe they knew Jamie was writing it down, but they would’ve also been looking for the evidence Dave gave Jamie.’

  ‘But did they find it? That’s the question.’

  ‘How can we know? I suppose we can’t at the moment. We just have to assume they didn’t and try to find it ourselves.’

  ‘They’ve already killed Jamie. It’s highly likely they killed Dave and possibly Billy, or if not, at the very least they were responsible for his suicide. If this evidence is still out there and was, like Jamie said, something explosive—something that needed no other corroboration—then you can use it, too.’ He twisted in his seat to face me. ‘But even if you can use it, there’s still a chance they might find out that you know. Are you sure you want to do this? You have to be absolutely one-hundred-percent certain, because there will be no going back.’

  I looked out at a family in the park, laughing, having fun, being happy, being alive. That would’ve been Jamie and me in the future. Married with a couple of children. But that had all been viciously snatched away from me. Bloody right I wanted to do this.

  ‘Yes. I have to. For Jamie.’

  ‘Okay. Assuming they didn’t find this evidence, then, where would Jamie hide it? You know him better than anyone.’

  ‘I searched the house after he died, because I was trying to find answers about why he’d taken his life. All I found was the list with the names and addresses of the other guys who were at Crossfield with him. They, whoever they are, didn’t find that. It was hidden under some gravel in the garden, where Jamie often kept things in case the house ever got broken into. So there’s nothing at home, I’m sure.’

  ‘But did you look under carpets and floorboards? In the loft? Any other nook and cranny?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Do you think the killers did? Did you notice a corner of a carpet or a piece of flooring was disturbed? Things like that?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Well, you need to thoroughly scrutinise it again. Check for a change in dust patches anywhere. Do a thorough search of the house and garden, and I mean everywhere. If you have bifold doors on the wardrobes, check behind them. He could’ve hidden things behind the doors where most people wouldn’t think to look.’

  I wanted to ask him how far he was prepared to go, too. For me, who he didn’t know. For Jamie, who he’d met briefly and with whom he’d shared only a vague connection of past military life and the terrible effects of predatory paedophiles. Would Mitchell kill those animals? For me? Would he? He was in the SAS. He could probably take out someone fifty different ways with a toothpick. Could I even ask that of him? I wondered if I was going crazy just contemplating asking him.

  I pushed those dark thoughts to the corner of my brain. ‘Jamie’s laptop had been wiped, so if there were digital photos or videos on it, they would’ve been destroyed.’

  ‘This happened in the early eighties, so I think the evidence would’ve been physical photos, probably Polaroids.’

  ‘Yes, he mentioned Polaroids in the diary.’

  ‘Did he?’

  ‘You didn’t read it?’

  ‘I didn’t need to. Jamie told me most of it himself. If it was a film Dave gave him, it would’ve been an actual videotape or cine film.’

  ‘If you were going to hide something like that, where would you put it?’

  Mitchell thought for a while. ‘If he put it in his Jeep, then they would’ve already checked it when it was left at the murder scene.’

  ‘You’re right. It’s probably clean, but there’s no harm in checking it again, just in case they missed something.’

  ‘What about at his work?’

  ‘His boss said he hadn’t seen him that week. Jamie was on annual leave, and if Dave gave it to him the day before Jamie died, then he couldn’t have hidden it there.’

  ‘Maybe his boss didn’t know. Did Jamie have keys to the office?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘He could’ve gone back there when the place was closed. Also, did he have a storage unit anywhere?’

  ‘Not that I know of.’

  ‘That’s something to check. I know he had no family left, but he might’ve left a copy with friends. I asked Lee and some of the other guys Jamie served with, but he didn’t contact them and ask them to keep something safe for him.’

  ‘He didn’t have any other close friends, just the colleagues at work. No one I think he would’ve trusted with something so important.’ I paused, remembering the words in the document he’d written. No wonder he had trust issues. Had trouble letting himself get close to people. It made me even more honoured that he’d chosen me as the one person he wanted in his life.

  ‘He could’ve opened a safety deposit box. Or left them in a locker somewhere.’

  ‘The leisure centre! Maybe he left it in his locker. He was always down there. Exercise was like an obsession with him. I can understand why now. He wanted to transform himself from that helpless little boy into someone strong and fit.’

  ‘Or it could be in a bus or train station locker at the other end of the country. It could be anywhere.’

  ‘No, don’t say that. I have to believe we’ll find it, whatever it is.’

  ‘Then let’s take it one step at a time.’ He placed a warm hand over mine and squeezed it. ‘I would suggest me helping you, but I just think we should keep my involvement hidden for now. I could be more helpful later, especially if they don’t know about me. I think you should do this on your own. For now. If they are watching you, it’s going to look suspicious if I’m with you. Are you all right with that?’

  I wasn’t okay with anything. Suddenly I wanted Mitchell with me as some kind of security blanket, but he was right. It would look suspicious. I pulled out the flash drive of Jamie’s diary from my pocket and handed it to him. ‘I think you should keep this again. Just in case they come back and find it.’

  He nodded, took it, and slid it into his pocket.

  ‘I have one more question.’ I fiddled with the ring again. ‘Did Jamie tell you he was going to propose to me?’

  His eyebrows crinkled up slightly. A brief look of pity crossed his face before it was gone, replaced by an expressionless neutrality. ‘Yes. He thought that if you said yes, when things came out later, he had a better chance of making you stay.’

  I brought the ring to my lips. ‘I would’ve stayed anyway,’ I whispered. ‘I loved him.’

  ‘I know.’ He opened the hamper, pulled out some shop-bought sandwiches wrapped in plastic packets, and put them on the bench between us. ‘Whatever you do, keep your eyes open. Stay safe, okay?’

  But I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel safe again. Not now.

  Chapter 27

  I sat on the train on the way back to St Albans, my gaze flitting across the other passengers. Were ‘they’ watching me, or did they think Jamie had taken his secrets with him? Was the man in the suit sitting opposite, tapping on his laptop, an innocent commuter or was he more sinister? Was the woman reading Cosmo next to me a spy, working for MI5? Was the young guy who’d wheeled his bike on board, leaning against the doors, out to get me?

  By the time I arrived home, I was looking at everyone, my eyes roaming them to check for something suspicious. I kept looking back over my shoulder to see if anyone was following me, but no one was.

  Ava was on my doorstep when I returned, ringing the bell. Jackson was in his car seat, happily sleeping by her feet. A plastic supermarket bag was on the front step.

  ‘Did you forget I was coming round again?’ She gave me a worried frown.

  I slapped a hand to my forehead. ‘Sorry. It completely slipped my mind.’ I tried to force a smile. Even though I loved them both, I had more
important things to deal with now.

  She hugged me then stepped back, holding me at arm’s length, looking me up and down. ‘You look awful. I bet you haven’t been eating, have you? Or sleeping.’

  I stared at her shoes. ‘It’s been hard.’

  ‘Have you been at work? Have you gone back?’

  ‘Not yet. I had four weeks annual leave owing to me, so I took it all. But I can’t face going back.’ And now, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. I had to do this. I was going to finish what Jamie had started, and I had no idea how long that would take.

  She gave me that sympathetic, pitiful smile I was getting used to. ‘It might be better to go back to work. It might take your mind off things. It’s not healthy to just be on your own all the time, thinking, shutting yourself away.’

  ‘It’s only been a month. I’m entitled to mope around.’

  ‘There’s a difference between grief and depression.’

  ‘Have you been reading those bloody leaflets again?’ I picked at my thumbnail.

  ‘I’m worried about you. You’re acting really—’

  ‘Really what?’ I snapped.

  ‘Well…distant and…weird. Talk to me! Tell me what you’re thinking, what you’re going through. I want to help. Talking can help.’

  I wanted to tell her about everything. Wanted to so badly. The words were in my mouth, waiting to explode, but I had to think about her and Jackson’s safety. These people were capable of murder. I couldn’t have their deaths on my conscience if they thought Ava knew something. So the words evaporated, died right there. Like Jamie.

  I forced a wobbly smile. ‘Let’s not talk out here. Are you coming in?’ I said, but secretly I was willing her to go away so I could get on with searching the house.

  ‘Of course I’m coming in. I’m going to cook you dinner.’

  I picked up Jackson, holding his car seat in the crook of my elbow as I opened the door. My eyes scanned the hallway, looking for signs of anything untoward, any clue that someone had been inside again, but there was nothing. I wondered if I should change the locks. Had they broken in using Jamie’s own key? Or were they expert enough to be able to break in without leaving a trace, anyway?